Reckless Confessions
by uh-la-la
Summary: Mika's found out about Ryuichi and Tohma's Dirty Little Secret, and Ryu's just having troubles trying to convince Tohma that his feelings are true. Is this just a grudge that will fade in time or will Tohma continue to ignore Ryuichi's confessions? RyuxTo


Title: Reckless Confession  
By: excelsoup  
Rating: G (or somethin' like that)  
A/N: Nerthin'... Major fluff warning though...

I stood in front of his office door, behind his desk and-- I couldn't stand it. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to kiss him and say that everything would turn out in the end. But since Mika had found out about us I was aware that he was probably unwilling to let that happen. What was I supposed to do? It hurt me to see him so somber.

Two weeks before, she had found out, that meant we hadn't even been near each other for that amount of time. Two weeks without a single kiss, a gentle embrace, and worst of all-- two weeks without seeing a single smile from him. As I said, my deepest desire at that point was to hold him and comfort him. I knew he wouldn't let me come near him so, I did something that I was positive that I would regret.

"Tohma-kun, i-it really hurts me to see you like this," His eyes never left the paper work in front of him, but I knew that he couldn't help but listen. "Because when you're happy, I'm happy, and when you're sad..." I lowered my voice, "I am too." My wording wasn't the greatest, I'll admit, but my mind was occupied by so many other things, I guess I'm just lucky to have gotten my point across. "That's what love is, Tohma, I-I love you."

There it was. The exact look I had been expecting. I had done the unthinkable. He hated it to no end whenever I brought that word up.

When I first told him that I loved him he stopped me before I could say anything else. In a serious tone he stopped to remind me just how strong the word was, and that instead I should just use the word "like".

I understood completely, he was right after all. We had just begun our relationship and love was probably too strong for something so new, for either one of us. But as time went on, I noticed that I was using the word "like" more and more. I was positive that I could say something else: "love." Even then though, for some reason, he stopped me.

"I really like you," became the new phrase, and soon after, "I really, really like you."

Looking into his eyes, I could tell he was angry with me. Most people wouldn't be half as stubborn as him when a came to one little word, but then again, he's just not like most people. That's just one more thing about him that makes me feel like this. Still though, I had every right to be angry right back at him, right? Maybe it was just an excuse though.

"Listen Tohma, there comes a time when there aren't enough 'really's' to say how I feel!" I put my hand over my heart to show him what I was trying to tell him. My heart ached and it was because I couldn't even tell him how I truly felt without a negative reaction. "I know, I've never been in love before, but I know this is the feeling!" It suddenly came down to choking back tears. "Even if you stay with Mika-san they won't go away! You can't be mad at me for something I can't even control!"

His eyes had narrowed and his face had turned red. I immediately turned around to head for the door. I couldn't be in that room one more second, because suddenly, it had become crowded feeling. It seemed I had done the unthinkable, I had told him how I felt and admitted to being unable to control myself. There was absolutely NO way that he would even think of staying with me after I had done something as rash as that.

I think that was around the time when my eyes started to finally let go of the tears I was trying to hold back, because I remember not being able to find the doorknob. I was frantically trying to get out-- and I was failing miserably. By the time I found the knob, I was balling, sniffling, and all.

A warm hand covered my own, telling me to let go of the cold knob. I obeyed at let my hand drop to my side, using my other arm to wipe the salty water from my face. How I wish-- sometimes-- that I could stop feeling this way about him. I had created a horrible mess with Mika-san and they were still there, the feelings that is. I wanted to get rid of them so badly! The man I love had never once told me that he even liked me back, and I just held onto these stupid feelings for him! I wish that I could fall out of love, instead.

Then he turned me to face him and pulls me close to touch his lips to mine, gently. It's really only then that I realized that everything I said was indeed true. It wouldn't matter if he left me for her, really. I'll always crave his touch and warm smile. He pulled away and I could feel myself ready to break down into tears again.

"I-I hate you! I-I don't like you, Tohma! I don't love you at all!" It's stupid really, I thought that if I said it out loud, that it'd magically happen. Well, it didn't. My legs that were shaking so much before, finally turned to complete jelly and my knees gave out right from under me. Tohma caught me, as he had all the other times I had fallen. With his hand at my waist, I stabilized myself on my knee. He then, too stood on his knees, eye level with me, frowning, his hands still at my sides. They uneasily snaked their way around me, I realized what he was trying to do. Even after what I had just told him, he was still trying to hold me close to him. My tears never stopped.

His head rested on my shoulder and his arms were snug around me. "It's a shame really," he said in a quiet voice, "because I think-- no, I know--" he was whispering now. If he hadn't been so close to my ear, I don't think that I would have been able to hear him at all. "I love you."

My heart began to beat faster with excitement, my tears had dried as if they had never started in the first place. I could feel my arms stretch their way around him without me telling them to.

"I-is Tohma so sure it's love? Because," my heart began to swell at the thought, but I didn't want to force him into anything, especially a relationship that he wasn't ready for. "It's fine if it isn't--"

"It's love. I'm sure of it." He kissed my neck with his baby soft lips. No, I can't fall out of love, but that's fine with me.

A/N: this fic disappoints me a little. It doesn't seem like it's finished, it feels like I've left something out at the end! Oh, well. I should be happy with what have because... THIS IS THE FIRST FIC THAT I'VE EVA FINISHED! I EVEN GOT A SCROLL BAR ON MY WORD PAD BABY! Wow, I'm proud AND disappointed with this all at the same time! Please review so I can make a shiny decision on how I should feel!


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